Rainy

Everything went so fast when one day his wife Eva went through so much pain everywhere in her body. She was eight months pregnant with a baby girl inside her belly. Sammy had gotten Eva to the hospital, but physicians couldn’t save either the mother or the baby.

She couldn’t breathe. Her face grew pale and eventually blue; due to an amniotic fluid embolism. It was an uncommon phenomenon anywhere in the world.  Unfortunately; it took the life of his wife and child.

When Sammy buried his family, he had wanted to die himself.

Twenty-four hours before, he had been the happiest man on the earth. Then he lost everything in the twinkling of an eye. It all seemed unreal and like a nightmare.

The smells of the hospital, clinking of instruments and Eva taking her last breaths left a heart wrenching pain inside him. Therefore; Sammy wanted to run away somewhere. Where pain couldn’t crush him to death. After the funeral he got in his car and escaped the cemetery. He drove aimlessly throughout the city. There was nothing left for him to fear, he realized sadly. In just one day his world had turned upside down.

That morning a huge rainstorm had settled over Karachi, drowning the city and making daily activities impossible. The television announced that nobody should venture outdoors due to the deadly condition brought by the storm. But Sammy Ryan had nothing to worry for. He had lost the most precious things in his world.

Standing outside his car, he felt cursed, while he mourned…and drank from a dark bottle of cheap red wine. The taste made no difference. The disaster in his life was new, he ached with the pain of loss, and frustratingly there was no one to blame. He felt nothing but pain and hopelessness.

“Nothing makes sense without her. She took everything with her; my future, dreams, life, peace of mind, joy, my daughter, everything. There is no sense in life anymore.” Sammy whispered to himself,

Lost in his own grief and pain that he didn’t realize how long he had been standing there. He was broken, angry, and depressed. The time turned against him.

A few hours ago, he didn’t cry at the funeral –somehow he couldn’t. He just bottled up his emotions. That led him to the moment when he was on the verge of exploding and pouring out his grief in private.

With dry eyes, he grieved in his own way.

Leaning against the driver’s side of his car, something drew him out of himself. He heard soft cries like someone weeping in pain. His own pains were enough to block the world outside but this sound caught his attention.

“Maybe someone’s mourning with me,” he thought sadly.

He looked around him, but saw nothing.

“Surely I heard someone.” He acknowledged him.

The crying got louder and clearer. He walked and followed the sounds of sobs. It led him towards the opposite side of the car. He got surprised to see a little girl sobbing.

She had to be between the age of three or four, maybe.

Hugging her knees with both of her arms, she shook uncontrollably. Not meeting his gaze; she was glued to the back door.  She sounded terrified and shivered from the cold.

He bowed down, near enough, for her to hear,” Are you okay little girl?” he inquired.

She didn’t respond.

“Maybe she didn’t hear because of the rain,” he reasoned with himself.

He stretched his arm and shook her tenderly while trying to communicate again,” Who are you? What are you doing here alone?”

She glanced at him but said nothing’ and just stared into his eyes.       

“Where’s your family? Are you alone? Say something little girl.” But nothing came out of her mouth. He watched her in astonishment.

It seemed as if she had run from some preposterous danger because looked like she had seen a ghost and her eyes roamed everywhere almost madly.

He shook her again asking tenderly and asked, “Are you hiding from something?” She panicked that showed he touched her nerve.

“Oh; she’s scared of me,” he whispered to himself.

He expected her to respond, but she passed out while watching him. He caught her before she hit the ground.

He lifted her up in his arms and discovered she was burning up from a fever. In the next moment he placed her on the backseat of his car and closed the door. Furthermore; he got in the driver’s seat, ignited the engine, and drove off into the night.

—-

Sammy stood near the hospital bed where the little girl was asleep quietly. She was utterly soaked when they arrived in hospital, but a Nurse had taken her clothes off her tiny frame, put on a hospital gown, and wrapped her inside the blanket. She looked like an angel in a white gown.

Where are her parents? They must be looking for her, he thought sadly.

Sammy reported in the police the moment he arrived in the hospital that a lost kid had been found near his car. They came and interrogated him about “how he had met her”, and he had answered them word for word.

They further questioned about his present drunken state. He told them everything that happened to him. He informed them about the death of his wife and infant.

They didn’t ask any further queries about him, because one of the inspectors named Faheem was his buddy.

Faheem knew that his friend was struggling with day-to-day life, and had been there at Sammy’s wife and daughter’s funeral. Faheem asked the investigation department to allow Sammy to stay in the hospital and keep watch over the girl but, really, Faheem wanted to stay with Sammy to look after him. Faheem’s heart was soft for his for his now lost and disoriented friend.

Faheem and Sammy had been together since the day Sammy shifted to the same building where Faheem lived. They became good friends and so did their wives.

For the sake of his friendship Faheem wanted to save his friend from the pains of loneliness. He knew Sammy was devastated and depressed by his recent loss.

“Sammy, go home, I’m here. I’ll watch her and call you when she wakes up,” he requested Sammy to go home and take rest. He knew that Sammy had been through so much misery already. He noticed that his buddy seemed to have a passionate connection to that little girl. He tried to help him to recover from his own disastrous situation. He didn’t want Sammy to be involved in another issue that reminded him of his own. However, Sammy was so stubborn.

“I’m not going anywhere; I want to meet her family when they show up. The police said that they haven’t recorded any complain of a lost child this entire week,” Sammy didn’t look at Faheem but to the little sleeping soul. He revealed no interest in taking rest.

“My friend, the police are here to investigate, but it will take time to search for her family. You’ve gone through enough today. Go home and at least take a nap for God’s sake,” Faheem implored; he looked irritated.

He knew that Sammy wouldn’t listen to him, but still he tried.

“When I found her near my car, she was so scared, like she ran out of a hell,” Sammy said, lost in his own thoughts and not paying any attention to Faheem.

“Sammy, you have to…”

“Please don’t pity on me. I know I have been through enough today. I’m crushed and tired, but where you want me to go? Home? “He sighed and then opened his mouth again to speak. “There’s no home for me now. I lost everything. My home ended when Eva stop breathing,” Sammy cried out. He couldn’t keep his tears from falling. That was the first time when Sammy really cried with tears.

Faheem pitied his friend. He opened his arms and pulled Sammy into a tight hug.

” He is a victim of circumstances or maybe a survivor of a disaster,” Faheem thought sadly.

“Okay stay! We’ll search for her family together,” Faheem whispered in his ear.

—-

Three days had passed since Sammy brought her to the hospital. She was getting better, but still hadn’t spoken. Sammy got worried for her, he wanted to know what happened to this little girl. He was impatient to know the truth. Consequently, he inquired of the doctors that why she didn’t speak anything yet?

The doctors acknowledged him that she was unable to speak. She was a Mute. The information was beyond expectation.

Unfortunately, she wasn’t able to reveal her identity that means she was totally depended on people around her. Police constantly tried to find her family, but still no one had filed a report about a lost girl of her age.

While examining her with a stethoscope, the doctor gave Sammy the instructions.

“You’re lucky! Your daughter didn’t catch pneumonia. Three days ago I was certain that she would catch pneumonia. But now, she sounds perfect! Absolutely ready to go home,” he said, looking straight in her eyes.

Doctor smiled to her but she didn’t. She wore a very serious expression on her face. Still scared maybe? Sammy wondered. She glanced at Sammy and then to the physician standing next to her bed. Lost in her thoughts, no one had any idea what was going on in her tiny head.

—-

After her discharge from the hospital Sammy took her to his house. Faheem was with him the whole time. The investigation department gave him approval to take her home with him’ at the same time, they wanted him to report them regularly.

Sammy signed some official papers and gladly welcomed her temporary guardianship. Faheem assisted him in everything from taking her temporary guardianship to taking her home.

“Faheem, I guess we should try to find her family, because I’m thinking that the investigation unit is taking too much time.” Sammy showed a sincere concern. He looked anxious, emotional and impatient to take the burden on his shoulders.

“Don’t you worry, Sam. They’ll figure this out, they’re the experts” Faheem said, trying to calm him.

“They have other responsibilities to do and I don’t doubt their expertise I just want to help. Furthermore, did I mentioned that I can’t be relaxed?” Sammy looked irritated. “I know how it feels like to lose a family. At least she has a chance to be with them again. I don’t have one.” He was troubled again.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Faheem said. “Okay, take care of this girl and try to figure out her language if you can. Remember, I helped you to get temporary guardianship, because you requested.” Faheem reminded him. He knew that it was a risk to give him a responsibility of a kid so young. At the same time he wanted him to heal.

“Sure and thank you for supporting me.” Sammy replied.

After Faheem left, Sammy pulled up the little girl into his arms and to the room to prepare her for sleep.

“This is the room where you’ll stay and here’s the bed where you sleep. The police will find your mommy and daddy soon,” he said. She nodded and blinked her eyes.

He started to begin talking to her but surely he knew he’d be the only one talking.

She moved her hands to communicate, but he understood nothing.

“You want something to eat?”

She nodded.

“Come with me, we’ll find something to eat in the kitchen.” He took her into his arms and fixed her on his shoulders to give her piggy back ride. She giggled. He walked to the kitchen, set her on the counter and started tickling her. She laughed out loud, and he laughed along with her.

Together they ate corn flakes, laughed and tried to heal.

—-

He watched her sleep. “It’s great to be a kid. She seems to have lost everything but still sleeping like the dead,” he murmured.

His mind started mingling with harsh memories of his wife taking her last breath and dying. His heart pounded in his chest. He took a deep breath and shuddered at the memory. Then tried to divert his thoughts because nothing good came out of thinking, except more suffering.

He compared his life with the little girl’s life.

He thought about his current situation and the life of sleeping little fairy.

He thought everything and stared at her. He saw pain on her beautiful face. His own matched hers. He wanted to go find her family and make her happy, but at the same time he didn’t want to lose her. He thanked God for sending that innocent little angel to provide him company.

He looked up on the wall to the picture of his wife with him. That was the day of their wedding. Happy and just happy. The anger of losing her burned again in his eyes which he tried to stifle, but yet it remained. Tears burst from his eyes which he couldn’t stop.

He missed her so much. A hand reached inside and squeezed his heart. More tears streamed. He was helpless to stop them so he choked out his tears silently.

Thinking about his life, he didn’t notice when the mother of sleep took him in her arms and made him sleep.

—-

More days past, but nothing discovered about a lost girl. Sammy started to search for her family by himself. He approached newspapers, made video messages, but nothing happened. A doubt entered his mind, “Does she really has a family? If yes, why has no-one come forward to claim her?

The girl was happy with him. Perhaps, she constantly made some terrible noise while sleeping that clearly showed she had gone through trauma. Her nightmares were result of something bad happened to her. He knew it.

Sammy took her to a market and bought some toys , pencil and paper, coloring books, drawing papers and color pencils to get her busy. She took everything with a big smile on her face. All day long she played with her toys and made some drawings. She liked to draw and to color pictures.

Sometimes Sammy took her to parks so she won’t get bored inside the house.

Every day when he entered inside the house, he found emptiness inside him. He missed his wife terribly and wanted his life back with her again which was impossible. The house felt empty without her. He slept very little in the nights. It seemed like sleep didn’t want to come to him or maybe he didn’t want to sleep anymore.

After all, he lost someone he cared deeply for. Someone that helped to shape who he was and the path that his life took. Without Eva it was easy for him to be lost, confused and angry.

He didn’t want to die with a broken heart but he also lost a desire to live and look after himself. He just didn’t see the point of being living again anymore. But with this girl he found some kind of hope to live again. Thus, whenever he was with the girl he smiled, he felt hope to breathe. The giggles of this little girl started to fill the hollow of his life again. He’d found new hope. As days passed their relationship went stronger.

A month passed, but the police still hadn’t found her family. No one knew her name, and since she was mute, she didn’t know how to say her name. Sammy started calling her RAINY, because he had found her in the rain.

Someone knocked his door, he didn’t realize it because he was drinking and deep in thoughts. The knocking interrupted his train of thoughts.

He stood and stumbled to the door. He tried to open but his fingers were numb from the effects of constant drinking. Finally when the door opened, Faheem came into view.

“Hi.” He responded with a huge sigh.

“You’ve been drinking with Rainy inside the house?” Faheem barked sadly.

“No, just bit… I was about to.” Sammy muttered but his friend didn’t pay attention at all.

“You disappointed me Sam,” Faheem told him. “Where’s Rainy?” he shouted angrily and started walking towards the bedroom.

“I’m sorry buddy. It won’t happen again. I promise,” Sammy tried to apologize.

Faheem stop on his track. ”You know Sam I helped you to take her temporary guardianship because you requested,” he sighed.

“But you know, I knew it now that you’re using her to jump out of your own pool of grieve.” He twisted the knob, entered in the room and slammed the door behind him.

Inside the room he found Rainy hugging her knees very tightly.  She looked terrified. Faheem ran to her and took her in his arms. She gripped his shirt tightly and cried. He patted his palm on her back.

“Hey, Rainy don’t worry I have got you.” But she continued to cry. After a while she got calm. She started signing something but he couldn’t figure out what she was trying to say.

Faheem lifted Rainy up in his arms and left the house. He didn’t look back at Sammy.

Sammy called out to him to apologize for his behavior.

“Faheem…. sorry, I won’t drink again. Please forgive me. Sorry.” He screamed but his friend left.

“Please don’t take her away from me.” He cried, but no one was there to hear him.

—-

Two months later

Sitting on a couch, he felt useless and unwanted to everyone. He lost the only purpose of his life.

“I should have controlled myself. Time had passed. I can’t beat the clock to turn back the hands of time. Rainy depended on me but I didn’t care much for her. Eva is gone. She’s not coming back. But I’d been dwelling on the past.” He muttered to himself.

He was alone and broken-hearted. He had disappointed his only caring friend. Faheem wasn’t answering his phone calls. Sammy didn’t know what happened to Rainy. Where was she? He was clueless.

“I shouldn’t have been drinking. Rainy was hungry and fearful because I didn’t pay attention to her. She wasn’t able to speak. I was an idiot.” He was angry with himself.

After trying to call Faheem many times, he decided to go to the police station to try to talk to him. He already knew that Faheem wouldn’t let him meet Rainy, but he decided to give it a try anyway.

—-

In the police station, Sammy had been informed that Rainy had been moved to an orphanage where she was with many other children like her.  To make matters worse, Sammy himself wasn’t allowed to contact her because he has never been sober enough to take care of her.

He was strictly not allowed to see her because he was emotionally upset and psychologically unable to take care for a kid as young as Rainy.

Sammy had also learned that she was an orphan. Her Father died when she was two years old. The day Sammy found her was the day she was running from her house. In her house a robbery happened. She saw her mother killed right before her eyes.

Rainy’s real name was Ayesha. She was just four years old and been through too much in her lifetime. They had found one of her aunts, but she didn’t want to take responsibility for her.

Then the police had no other choice but to move Ayesha to an orphanage. Sammy asked for the name of the orphanage but they refused.

Now when he knew that Ayesha was as alone as he was himself, he wanted to see her but not allowed. The desire to get her back burned inside him. He desperately wanted to spend his life with her.

He went ahead to Faheem’s house.  When he got there, he knocked like he wanted to break the door down.

Faheem’s wife answered the door. He didn’t speak to her. He just went in and found Faheem sitting on the couch watching TV. Faheem looked up at him, smiled, and patted the couch to sit.

Sammy started walking towards him and stopped near him.

“What are you doing here?” Faheem asked calmly.

“Why didn’t you tell me about Ayesha?” Sammy yelled.

“It wasn’t your concern. You’re not her dad,” Faheem said peacefully.

“I want to see her. I’m sorry I wasn’t always sober when she was here, but my place is better than an orphanage,” Sammy said, annoyed with the situation.

“You let her starve. She wasn’t able to tell you that she was terrified, and you didn’t bother to find that out.” Faheem was furious.

“And you think, she won’t starve in an orphanage?” he argued and continuing his appeal to Faheem.

“I know I’m not her dad but I want to be. I know it’s not my concern but I want to make it my concern. I’m sorry. Please let me see her,” he requested.

Faheem was adamant “No. You can’t. You have lost the right to be with her. The department doesn’t trust you. I can do nothing,” Faheem apologized and then continued, “That day when I came to your house, I came to tell you about her family. I wanted to help you take permanent custody because I had observed that both of you found home in each other. But you were wrapped up in your own misery. You didn’t realize that you had a responsibility of a four year old under your roof. She was utterly dependent on you,” Faheem finished on a sad and resigning note and pointed to the, “Please sit.”

“Sorry, it won’t happen again. Isn’t my place better than an orphanage?” Sammy asked desperately, sitting on the couch next to his friend.

“I can’t help you. It’s too late now. I know you were emotionally attached to her, but you can’t use her to distract yourself out of your own mess. I know she was happy with you, but you have disappointed me and the department.”

“Faheem, please help me. I know you can. I want her back,” Sammy implored, “I want to protect her. I want her to know that she’s not left alone. She matters to me. I miss her in my life. I miss her playing here and there. I miss her everywhere in the house. The house is empty without her. It’s killing me.”

He took Faheem’s hand in his and sobbed with pain. Faheem’s wife was watching them with tears in her own eyes. Faheem looked up at his wife leaning against the closed door, grieving for their friend. He pitied his friend. He is a victim of circumstances. Faheem turned the situation over in his mind, weighing his sense of responsibility against his humanity in empathizing with Sammy’s plight.

“Alright, I’ll talk to the department. But you need to show that you’re good enough to raise a child.”

“I’ll do whatever they want,” Sammy answered merrily.

           Six Months Later           

                                 Sammy Ryan diary entry

Today’s my daughter’s birthday. I’m here in her school to pick her up and we’ll go to her favorite place, Dino Adventure Park, to celebrate her fifth birthday.

Six months ago I found her near my car, alone and scared. Now she’s no longer alone and scared. She is happy and safe with me. She is not alone in this world, and she matters to me. I love her more than anything else in the world. I have found a family in her and so does she.

We celebrate our victory every day because we both have won a war against life’s circumstances.

We are taking sign language classes to communicate with each other. Though we’ve learned just two hundred and ten words, we’re progressing with every passing day.

I’m standing outside her school, she is coming out, carrying her bag on her tiny shoulders. I bow down to hold her bag and give her a piggyback ride because she loves sitting on my shoulders. I want to give her everything she wants. I’m her dad and she’s my daughter. I’ve promised to her that I won’t let any bad thing happen to her.

I’ll love and care for her until my last day.

—The End—